"I am all about committing myself to my body. I want to drive out to Vermont and perform a commitment ceremony with my body... That was a weird thing to say." Marshall from HIMYM. I think that sums everything up perfectly.
I think it may always be the case where I go through a roller coaster ride with my training for races. Earlier today and for the past week: bottom of the barrel. It's been the pits with worrying about keeping up with people, still struggling to wrap my head around the idea that in 15 weeks, I will be running all 26.2 miles (not squeezing in any walking like I originally, foolishly thought I would), and trying to semi-impress people (person).
Then it donned on me. No one influenced me to sign up for the MCM. No one really pressured me to sign up for the Philly RnR. Maybe I would have been a little more hesitant to sign up for the TM had the asking person not been good looking, but I think I would have agreed nonetheless. Same with the Baltimore Relay...because at this point, after you've already added those on the calendar, why not do that too?!
My point is, this is self-inflicted any way you slice it. There's a popular quote out there: "You have to forget your last marathon before you try another. Your mind can't know what's coming." And maybe that's where the highs and lows are coming from (albeit I've never done a full marathon, but if I double the soreness from finishing the half, I can guess what I'm in for). I'm running for me, I'm running in memory of Christian, and I'm running for the wounded who deserve recognition. That should be all the motivation necessary.
Try to remember the reasons why you sign up for races: camaraderie, feeling of accomplishment, fitness goals, to make yourself proud, to just have fun with friends... I know I will enjoy all my races after i put in the hard work, and I know my friends will be there to celebrate the acheivements!
"I've learned that finishing a marathon isn't just an athletic achievement. It's a state of mind; a state of mind that says anything is possible."