June 19, 2013

Fear as a Motivator

Me and this dang hip!

Monday, I was pleased with myself when I looked in my calendar and noticed that I haven't been to see my PT in three weeks. That's the longest stretch I've gone since I started treatment with him! I thought surely this was a good thing that I could wait so long in between sessions....

Let me back up a little.

This past weekend I went to Beaver Creek with the bf and a bunch of Anchor athletes to watch them run the Tough Mudder. In order to spectate some of the obstacles, you have to walk up and down black diamond ski hills, which took a big toll on my hip and back. Once we were back on flats, I mostly felt okay but I decided to go in to the PT to get things straightened out (especially after noticing it had been three weeks...don't want to wait so long that I have to start over from the beginning again).

After that session, my back isn't as tight as it was, and my hip felt fine when he was finished. We chatted about how it would be a good idea if I went out for a wog (walk + jog) that evening, so I tried to do just that. I got home, put my garmin on and head out...except I only made it a mile and a half. Technically, I walked 70%. The flare of pain was almost immediate, so I decided to head home and sit on the lacrosse ball for a little while and try to work out the kinks in hopes that I could go for a run in the morning before work. (Bonus: I think the inhaler worked)

I woke up at 5am yesterday, got dressed and ready to go, and I kid you not...I made it about 400 ft before the pain felt like that old bone on bone feeling. I know it isn't bone on bone...but you can imagine what that feels like. It isn't comfortable. It's even uncomfortable just sitting. Before work, I went to the grocery store to finally buy more glucosamine. I used to have a huge Costco bottle of that stuff, but I think I gave it to my dad when I found out it was working for him...and I'm sure I said something along the lines of I would buy more for myself and I just never did.


The cool thing about these:

- Smaller pills (they are still pretty big though)
- It contains Vitamin D, which I know I'm deficient in and just never got around to buying and taking the pills
- It has a blend of Chondroitin and MSM, most bottles only have one or the other
- They are buy one get one free right now at KS



The problem is that I don't really know if this will solve anything. I'm seeing the PT this afternoon and I'll bring it up and have a chat about things and other ways I can help myself so I can keep running. I also want to know, if it is a hip imbalance, can you do harm if you try to run through the pain?

Either way, I will take these things religiously and hope and pray they help at least a little bit. The box claims it will start working to improve joint comfort in 7 days...man I hope that's accurate.

The other topic I want to discuss is how much you are supposed to let someone else's insight impact your plans.

I recently joined the email list for ultra runners and posed a question to everyone on there to gain a little guidance for this upcoming 50 miler. From what I gather, these folks know their runs and are very experienced. The general consensus is that I'm crazy for trying to do that distance with my history and current state of physical fitness. I can see their point, but at the same time my mental reply to nay-sayers is that I did make it about halfway through the DC 50 (I know halfway is not all the way) and I think I would have finished had it not been for weather conditions and being freshly injured the month before. Is it all in my head? Am I just delusional?

I think another piece of the problem is that I am letting something someone said to me months ago still reverberate in my head. You always quit. Hard to shake, because I can recall so vividly all the races I did back out of or never started:

- Rosaryville 50K, DNF at Mile 10
- DC Rock'n'Roll Marathon - switched down to the half during the race
- EX2 Trail Half, bumped down to the 10k mid-race
- North Face Endurance DC 50 Miler, DNF
- several races DNS (Big Sur, 70.3 Boulder, etc)

I do think I have my work cut out for me...it is an ambitious goal. History speaks for itself.

And to be completely and nakedly honest, I am terrified of failing, of quitting, of re-injury, disappointment...the list can go on.

I'm learning to use fear as a motivator until I can just let it all go; count the miles and push on to the task at hand.

"You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind." ~Dale Carnegie

This post got deep.

Here are some pictures from Beaver Creek! The Anchor athletes kicked major butt! I'm so proud of everyone!





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