Back into it
I'm getting back into it.
Back into shape. Back into running. Back into blogging.
Back to my old self...or rather, a new improved version. I'm not sure if my old self even exists anymore. How could it? And why would I want it to?
Pre-kids I had all the time in the world to be selfish. All the money at my fingertips for healthy elaborate meals. An abundance of time for long runs on trails far away. An abundance of energy. An abundance of self love.
I would give up all of the above a thousand times over to have my two boys. Any mom would. I gained snuggles, a depth of love unimaginable, so much laughter, the ability to see things through their eyes and re-experience the world.
I also gained 30 pounds that did not go away after pregnancy. Got reeeally tired. Lots of gray hairs and wrinkles. Stretch marks. Something as miraculous as child birth left my self love meter really low. It seems no one really wants to talk about that, but it's true for me. I created these two amazing humans. What's there to be upset about?!
My low levels of self love started with Julian's pregnancy/birth. I felt like my body betrayed me by not allowing me to keep him safe in my belly for 40 weeks. It didn't help that while in the NICU we were not making great food choices. Once we got home, energy was no where to be found. Eventually when I did get energy back, I tried to train for a race but I just couldn't figure out how to make that work with a newborn and Steve's schedule. It was a rut. Just when I started to figure things out, we decided to try for a second. I did not workout all pregnancy for fear of pre-term labor a second time around, plus extra hormones (to keep the baby baking) made me SO TIRED.
Weight has always been a tough thing for me, as far back as I can remember. I was an average sized teen, so I don't know why I've always been self conscious. Carrying this extra 30 pounds post baby two has been frustrating, but I don't want to let it define me and consume me. I want to get healthy again and losing weight is naturally a part of that. But more than just losing weight, I miss being able to carry myself across long distances for pure enjoyment.
I began running again a few months back, training for a 50 miler. Things were going great! I was getting stronger and leaner! It felt SO good to be back out on trails, taking time for myself and letting my mind wander to topics not kid related. I was taking precautions to strengthen my weak areas and not repeat past mistakes of my hips blowing everything up.
I was juggling motherhood, wife life, work, and my passion (though sometimes not the best that I could).
Then I got sick for an entire month. It flipped my passion switch off. All that hard work, undone by something as simple as one of the boys coughing in my face. I let it get the best of me. I started feeling better, but the laziness remained from my sick days. I lacked the giddy up I needed to jump back into my training.
I'm not really sure how, but I eventually talked myself back into my training plan...but with an adjusted expectation that I would now have to go for the 50k instead of the 50 mile due to the lost month + of training time.
Then I got sick again. Revolving door of germs at my house from daycare.
After careful consideration, I think I need to just give this one up.
I've been using Crossfit Endurance's plan to prepare for this 50k and it has helped build strength and speed while not injuring me from long runs farther than 13 miles....so I am planning to continue that training to build speed, strength, and endurance.
The weeks are laid out:
Monday - Crossfit style workout at home
Tuesday - AM sprint drills for set time intervals, and a PM crossfit style workout
Wednesday - Run bias crossfit style workout
Thursday - Cadence sprint intervals for meters
Friday - Off
Saturday - 'long' run
Sunday - Recovery or off
In the meantime, I am working on myself and on my mindset. I am trying to remember to show myself some grace. It's only been a year since having Noah and it's going to take time to get to where I want to be. I need to respect that and have patience. And I'm working on gratitude. I have such an amazingly blessed life that I never imagined for myself. The rest will fall into place.
Back into shape. Back into running. Back into blogging.
Back to my old self...or rather, a new improved version. I'm not sure if my old self even exists anymore. How could it? And why would I want it to?
Pre-kids I had all the time in the world to be selfish. All the money at my fingertips for healthy elaborate meals. An abundance of time for long runs on trails far away. An abundance of energy. An abundance of self love.
I would give up all of the above a thousand times over to have my two boys. Any mom would. I gained snuggles, a depth of love unimaginable, so much laughter, the ability to see things through their eyes and re-experience the world.
I also gained 30 pounds that did not go away after pregnancy. Got reeeally tired. Lots of gray hairs and wrinkles. Stretch marks. Something as miraculous as child birth left my self love meter really low. It seems no one really wants to talk about that, but it's true for me. I created these two amazing humans. What's there to be upset about?!
My low levels of self love started with Julian's pregnancy/birth. I felt like my body betrayed me by not allowing me to keep him safe in my belly for 40 weeks. It didn't help that while in the NICU we were not making great food choices. Once we got home, energy was no where to be found. Eventually when I did get energy back, I tried to train for a race but I just couldn't figure out how to make that work with a newborn and Steve's schedule. It was a rut. Just when I started to figure things out, we decided to try for a second. I did not workout all pregnancy for fear of pre-term labor a second time around, plus extra hormones (to keep the baby baking) made me SO TIRED.
Weight has always been a tough thing for me, as far back as I can remember. I was an average sized teen, so I don't know why I've always been self conscious. Carrying this extra 30 pounds post baby two has been frustrating, but I don't want to let it define me and consume me. I want to get healthy again and losing weight is naturally a part of that. But more than just losing weight, I miss being able to carry myself across long distances for pure enjoyment.
I began running again a few months back, training for a 50 miler. Things were going great! I was getting stronger and leaner! It felt SO good to be back out on trails, taking time for myself and letting my mind wander to topics not kid related. I was taking precautions to strengthen my weak areas and not repeat past mistakes of my hips blowing everything up.
I was juggling motherhood, wife life, work, and my passion (though sometimes not the best that I could).
Then I got sick for an entire month. It flipped my passion switch off. All that hard work, undone by something as simple as one of the boys coughing in my face. I let it get the best of me. I started feeling better, but the laziness remained from my sick days. I lacked the giddy up I needed to jump back into my training.
I'm not really sure how, but I eventually talked myself back into my training plan...but with an adjusted expectation that I would now have to go for the 50k instead of the 50 mile due to the lost month + of training time.
Then I got sick again. Revolving door of germs at my house from daycare.
After careful consideration, I think I need to just give this one up.
I've been using Crossfit Endurance's plan to prepare for this 50k and it has helped build strength and speed while not injuring me from long runs farther than 13 miles....so I am planning to continue that training to build speed, strength, and endurance.
The weeks are laid out:
Monday - Crossfit style workout at home
Tuesday - AM sprint drills for set time intervals, and a PM crossfit style workout
Wednesday - Run bias crossfit style workout
Thursday - Cadence sprint intervals for meters
Friday - Off
Saturday - 'long' run
Sunday - Recovery or off
In the meantime, I am working on myself and on my mindset. I am trying to remember to show myself some grace. It's only been a year since having Noah and it's going to take time to get to where I want to be. I need to respect that and have patience. And I'm working on gratitude. I have such an amazingly blessed life that I never imagined for myself. The rest will fall into place.
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