September 21, 2011

Yeah, I'm a big cry baby.

Recap of Philly:

I stuck to my word and did not run, except for a little sprint at the end when I saw Helen and Jake coming up by the finish!

Sadface. It's hard to go to packet pick-up, and the expo and feel all of that energy and nervousness from other runners, and know that you will not be part of it the following morning...and keep a happy face for those around you who have nerves and worries of their own.

Plus side: My friends ROCKED it! I am so unbelievably proud of all three of them and can't wait to share more experiences like this with them. I'm so glad I got to be part of this big moment and cheer them on along the way! And I made a new friend! :)

I got home Sunday night with the hope of running a few miles on Monday. I went after a doctor's appointment (thanks dr for reminding me that no matter what races I miss, there will be dozens of others to choose from), and headed out to Mt. Vernon Trail, crossed over to the path to Arlington Cemetery and ran down towards Iwo Jima and Rosslyn. It was about a 3 mile loop, and I walk/ran...about 40 min time.

I got home, played with the dog a little, and I think while I was playing with him I MUST have laid on the ankle wrong and mild pain has been there since.

Tuesday: I came home from work (wore my brace all day), found out my Semper Fi Fund charity shirt had come in the mail, got SUPER excited about that, changed into my running gear and headed out for what I hoped would be a few easy miles around the neighborhood.

Wrong.

I got about a mile out from the house when the pain started to become more than just dull. I knew it was smarter to just walk and head home, so I hung my head in shame but said I would be strong and hold it together...at least wait til I got inside.

Wrong.

I whimpered most of the mile back to the house, almost full out crying in the residential areas where no one was around to see me. I got inside, grabbed some ice for the ankle, and tried to dust myself off and put myself in a better mood.

Then my mom called.

I sobbed like a little baby. There's something about my mom calling that always brings out my raw sadness. It's always been extremely difficult to hide my emotions on the phone or in the presence of her, and this was no exception. I cried about Philly. I cried in disappointment at my current running ability. I cried that I had received the charity shirt and was dismayed that I would not do it justice or even be able to wear it at all come Oct 30. I cried at letting down the people who generously donated money to support me. I told her not to come in case I couldn't run or didn't make the cut off time. Thankfully, she listened to me through all of this crying, and simply told me she would be there no matter what.

Today I see things a little more clearly. I knew then, and I know now, that this ankle is not the end of the world (running wise) for me. I know it's temporary so long as I don't make things worse, and I know that my goals are still obtainable. It will never be easy for someone to come so far and get so close, and get injure...sitting and waiting for the day that they can regain the physical level they were once at.

I am left here to keep adjusting and reworking my training schedules, adding on new workouts to accomodate the new 50 Miler goal for next year. Having a goal so far out helps to remind me that I have time when I look at the big picture.

Tomorrow I am going to try again. My ankle has been feeling better today, and I will try to wear the brace when I go out for the miles.

I just have to try and stay positive until then.

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